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An Email Slob Interview with James Nandu Savimbi

April 22, 2010

***This series is in honor of a good friend and email colleague Scott Cohen who does a great series called “An Email Snob Interview…”.  I thought I would take this great series that he does and turn the tables to interview the worst of the worst in email marketing.  So without further adieu……lets take the maturity level down about 242 notches…..***

AIK:  Thank you and welcome to my new email slob series. I would like to introduce you to James Nandu Savimbi, the son of the late foreign currency minister of Angola.  Welcome James.

JNS: Thank you!  I am of ASSISTANCE AND OFFER!!!

AIK: Yea..ok.  So how did you get into the email business.

JNS: I am the first son of Mr. Jonas Savinbi, the leader of the foreign currency movement in Angola.  May be you know that my father was killed recently in Angola by the Angolan Government soldiers and he has since been buried.

AIK: I’m sorry James….but what does this have to do with email marketing?

JNS:  Two weeks before he died. (may be he knows he will die), he called me and showed me a box containing US of $28 million and some other precious metal value about $16 million US.  He sent the box to a security company in Europe for safe keeping with a false name.

AIK: ok….but….

JNS: MAY GOD BE WITH YOU!!….

AIK:  James…calm down..you are safe. Why are we talking?

JNS: I have this mighty sum of money to give and I need to send email to people so as to recover this great treasure of mine.  I am secretly hiding from the Angolan government so I found an address book with millions of email address that I would need to kind solicit to get my funds. In return I will share the sum of my fortune with those that respond.

AIK: Cool…this is really relevant email marketing….everyone needs money.

JNS: You don’t have to worry as this is 100% risk free!

AIK: That would make for an excellent subject line James….what are your thoughts on that?

JNS: May you praise and not feel my good English….YES!!!

AIK: James, since your emails are so relevant and timely as everyone is looking to make some money in these hard times, I need to ask if your emails are authenticated?

JNS: I want you to keep this secret as there are some enemies of my father scattered all over this whole world who are friends to the government of Angola.

AIK: Ahh..you must have thought I was asking if you are authenticated…I meant are your emails authenticated.

JNS:  Yes…I will authenticate you by asking for 1. Your full name. 2. Your contact home address 3. Your telephone and fax number 4. Your date of birth and occupation.

AIK: That is not what I meant.

JNS:  I await your quick answer and sorry for poor english if there is any.

AIK: Dude….what I am asking is are your emails not look at as spam.

JNS: You may be surprised to receive an email from me as you do not know me personally.

AIK: So its spam then?

JNS: I got your contact thru network online, hence I decided to contact you.

AIK: Where online?

JNS:  I implore you to maintain secrecy in this transaction.

AIK: Wait..now you are not going to tell me?

JNS: Let us form a partnership together so that you can chose to nominate your account for this transaction.

AIK: Your right…email marketing is about relationships and conversation with your subscribers…..I like your style James. You mumble a lot, but I really dig your relevancy here.

JNS: With due respect and humanity, I write this letter to you as I need your help and assistance. My BELOVED SON!!

AIK: Lets not get that close James…relationship or not..I don’t want to get that close to you and your program.

JNS: For your efforts, I am prepared to offer 35% in funds.

AIK: Is this an email exclusive discount?

JNS: While I urgency you to get back to me without delay.

AIK: Well played James…you have created that sense of urgency with me in your program.  You are timely, relevant and your personalization in your program is overwhelming.  Any parting thoughts on how an email marketing program like yours is so successful?

JNS: My telephone number +228 -911-876034, Yours faithfully….

AIK: And you even pick up your phone solidifying you as trusted partner…that’s amazing.  James, its been a pleasure and an honor to meet you.  Please keep up the good work helping people out and I look forward to speaking again real soon.

JNS: In highest warm regards without delay.

AIK: Huh?

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 22, 2010 3:15 pm

    Andrew: Definitely the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I love how James just keeps changing the subject. Though I have to say, his call to action might be a bit buried in the copy, don’t you think?

    So what do you think? List rental or list buy? Tough to say since he demanded the secrecy of the transaction.

    Brilliant as always, good sir. Thanks for the shout-out to the Email Snob series!

  2. Mark Brownlow permalink
    April 23, 2010 2:40 am

    I loved the line “Is this an email exclusive discount?” Shame his from name is not recognizable: some people might not recognize the sender and assume it was spam, missing out on a great offer.

  3. April 23, 2010 11:23 am

    This is hilarious! Good job sir.

  4. June 14, 2010 8:54 pm

    That’s hilarious! I was cracking up reading that.

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